Fisting 101

So, you want to try fisting. Or you heard about it. Or you tried it and it didn’t quite work. Well, let me welcome you to the wonderful world of fisting!

Full disclaimer: Fisting is my jam! I actually was fisted regularly at 13, before I had other things penetrate my vagina. I love it to this day. I am 33 years into this type of sex act and have picked up a lot of tips, tools, and fun facts I want to pass along.

What is fisting, technically?

Fisting is the act of inserting a hand into either the vagina or anus. Or two hands into one orifice. or one hand in each. There are permutations.

Wait… what?

Yes, some people enjoy having hands inserted into their openings. There is pressure and stretching (two forms of sensation), which is often quite pleasurable. The hand can be moved about, turned, thrust, and more to increase and change types of stimulation.

But why!!! And is this just like a kinky or queer thing?

Lots of people enjoy having their vaginal or anal opening stretched out. Think of it as yoga in your nether regions. The stretching and bending in yoga can be quite pleasurable for some people. I love yoga (and fisting). My current partner hates yoga (he is the only person I know who can look panicked in a yoga pose) and has never been on the receiving end of fisting. To each their own.

There is no one specific sexual orientation or kink orientation which “owns” fisting. People of all genders, sexual orientations, and sides of the slash can enjoy giving and receiving fisting.

Is it painful?

It can be. If you are not properly warmed up, if there is not enough lube, if your orifices are quite tight fisting can be painful. However, with practice, lube, and techniques fisting does not have to have any pain associated with it at all.

How Do I Start?

First, you and your partner(s) must want to try fisting. Establish that you both want to do this. You can’t just shove a fist into someone and say, “Ta da!” First, that violates consent. Second, generally that would not be physically possible without some serious tissue damage.

If you are the giver (fister) here are a couple of things to do to prepare:

  • Trim and file your fingernails! Smooth fingernails, cuticles and fingertips are important for pleasurable fisting. Hangnails, jagged fingernails, and rough hand may irritate or damage tender mucus membranes.
  • Clean your fingernails! We all get dirt and grim under our nails, even if they are short. Use a manicure tool to scrape out the nasty stuff under your nails. This helps prevent infections.
  • Get familiar with the part you will be fisting. Sure, you think you know how a pussy or butthole is designed, but understanding the physical structures you are working with will really help. Here is a good diagram of someone with a vagina and uterus. Here is one for someone with a penis.
  • I also recommend the KinkAcademy.com videos on fisting for a great way to learn the in’s and out’s.

If you are the receiver (fistee), here are a couple of things to do to prepare:

  • For vaginal fisting, trimming your pubic hair can be helpful. Longer pubic hair tends to get pulled and can be uncomfortable. You don’t have to wax or shave to the skin, but trimming the hairs over the labia can be useful.
  • For anal fisting you will want to douche. You can purchase a basic anal douche at most pharmacies in the section with stomach and constipation remedies. You can purchase much nicer versions on most sex toy sights. The CalExotics kit from the Stockroom is a great set for the beginner.
  • Get familiar with your anatomy. Check out the corresponding diagrams recommended above.
  • Check out the KinkAcademy.com fisting videos.
  • If you want to try anal fisting, stretch! There are several anal training kits commercially available. Start by douching and wearing the small sized plugs for 5 or 10 minutes until that becomes comfortable. Over time increase the plug size and the duration of time you are comfortable wearing it.

What will I need?

LUBE! Lots and Lots of Lube! More than you think you will need. I like Uberlube. The brand offers several options for different types of sexual activities. Their site allows you to connect with a representative and find one which will work for your needs.

If you use lube regularly or want to make things easier, a motion activated soap dispenser is great. You can get these at Target, HomeDepot, and other home stores. It is so helpful to just stick an hand under the pump during your hot sexy time and get more lube. No fumbling, no struggling to open, no asking the bottom to help open the lub..

Gloves. I keep my nails trimmed and filed, but I still like using gloves when I fist someone. I prefer the slickness of nitrile gloves and I don’t worry that I might accidentally scratch my partner’s inner tender bits. Plus, the black nitrile gloves can be really sexy when paired with leather wear.

Time. Fisting, in general, is not an activity to rush. If you are new to the activity, you will need plenty of time to get into the act. If you are trying this activity, make sure you and your partner(s) have some time set aside.

Positioning?

Fisting, both vaginal and anal can occur in many positions. However, if you are starting out, two positions are best. One, the person receiving the fist can lie on their back, knees bent, legs apart.

The other position which works for the receiver is on all fours.

Do I Just Shove My Hand in or What?

No. You can’t just shove a fist into someone.

Start with foreplay or other types of sex. The person receiving the fist should be sexually excited and warmed up when you begin. For folx with a vagina, becoming sexually aroused actually expands the vaginal canal and makes fisting more comfortable. For anal fisting, sexual arousal helps relax the sphincters you need to push through.

If you are planning on anal fisting, starting off with the receiver wearing a butt plug is really useful for warming up the anus.

Once the receiver is properly aroused, get them into a comfortable position. The giver should position themselves where they can easily reach the vagina or anus. This will be different for every couple. For example, my ex-wife was 5 feet tall and I am 6 feet tall. She couldn’t kiss my lips and reach my vagina comfortably to fist at the same time. My taller partners did not have to position themselves lower than my head.

The giver should put on gloves if you are using them. Lube up! You can use a lube applicator which will help get lube in deeper or simple put a bunch on a few fingers. Begin by inserting a finger or two into the vaginal canal or anus.

Stimulate your partner by pressing the walls of your partner gently, moving your finger(s) in and out slowly and gently, or holding your fingers there while your partner adjusts to the sensation. Everyone is different, so you need to communicate with your partner throughout this process. Asking questions (“How does this feel?” “Are you okay?”) is important.

As the receiver becomes comfortable with the finger or two you have in them, add a third, and then a fourth finger. Go as slow as the receiver needs. If this is a first time trying fisting, you may only get a few fingers in before the receiver has had enough. Fisting is an intense sensation, so it is very likely you won’t get a fist in the first time.

Over time, the receiver will be able to take more fingers at a faster rate. There is no exact timeline for this. The more you practice, the faster things can go. However, health, diet, stress, and time in a menstrual cycle can alter how enjoyable fisting will be.

When the receiver is ready, make sure you add a bit more lube to your hand and insert your thumb. You should be making the “pinching fingers” emoji shape with your hand (some people call it a duck bill shape). Slowly, very slowly, press your hand into the vagina or anus. You will expereince resistance. Allow your partner to adjust to the increased pressure.

You may have to back off and try a second or third (or more) times to get past your third knuckles. This process is often where people need to tap out. The pressure can be intense and cause pain at this point, even for experienced fisters.

If all goes well, magic happens and your hand is now fully inside your partner! This is a really amazing feeling on both ends. If this is the first time for either of you, try and resist the urge to make puppet jokes. Shouting, “OMG! I now understand why Kermit likes this!” can kill a mood unless you have a very special partner.

What Do I Do Once I Get My Hand In There?

What comes next is up to you and your partner. Some people enjoy the feeling of a partner making a full fist inside them. Others like gentle or heavy thrusting. Some enjoy the feeling of a rotating hand. Experiment. Go slow. Keep adding lube.

Stimulate other body parts too. You can play with your partner’s clit. Some people like their nipples played with. Some enjoy their balls or penis stimulated. Again, communication is critical here.

Will They Come?

That depends. Some people come with fisting. Some people like fisting and additional stimulation to come. Some people find the sensation so strong that they cannot climax with a fist inside them.

When Do I Pull Out?

This will be up to you and your partner. You both may want to wait until the fistee climaxes. It may reach a point you want to change activities. The giver may get a cramp or their hand may go numb from the pressure.

When it is time to withdraw a hand, you will want to go back to the duck mouth/pinched emoji shape and slowly pull out. The withdrawal sensation is intense as well and should not be rushed.

Will This Stretch Me Out?

Nope. You can be fisted repeatedly and not have a big, floppy vagina or an anus which won’t shut. As with any activity, if things are too rough or engaged in until a body part is damaged, you can cause harm. Most fisting will not cause you to get stretched out and permanently “gaping.”

It is important to listen to your partners and your own body. If something feels “off” or painful in a bad way, stop. If your hand, vagina, or anus gets irritated, stop. If you end up bleeding afterward, figure out what happened and correct it for the next round.

Caution!

Sometimes during fisting, especially if the person climaxes, their orafice may “clamp down” around your wrist and hold your hand in place. Don’t worry, this is a normal bodily reaction. Be patient and help your partner relax. As they relax and their body calms down, your hand will be released. Resist the urge to pull your hand out quickly or force them to open up. This can cause tearing and injury.

Hope you have a wonderful time on your new fisting journey!

#fisting #sex #kink #bdsm #handfucking #analplay #anal #vaginalfisting #vagina #safesex

One comment

  1. Great advice! My husband hasn’t quite ever made it past that third knuckle, but I keep encouraging him to try. I love the sensation of feeling completely filled. He thinks I need a woman’s hand…. hmm.. maybe one day. 😉

    Like

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