When I am on my knees, looking up at my Dom, waiting on his command, I am in complete bliss. There is something wonderful and liberating about sexual submission. The freedom, the deep trust, the connection I feel in this moment is unparalleled. I know I am not alone in this.
I have one question for every person exploring submission I talk to about their practice: Why?
Yes, it can be thrilling and freeing. It can meet your needs to let go of responsibility. It can be a safe space for you. But, is that your why?
Too many submissives choose submission because it is easier to meet someone else’s needs, to prioritize someone else’s pleasure, than it is to take responsibility for your own.
Asking for what you want in bed, in sexual encounters, in a relationship can be scary. You may not know what you want in these areas and therefore it is easier to serve as someone else’s servant of pleasure. You may feel awkward or underserving of prioritizing your own needs in a relationship so it is easier to submit.
Do you know your why?
Answer the following prompts to dig down into your own motivations for submission. You may find that you are submitting for reasons exactly right for you. You may discover that there are other, less obvious things driving your own submission.
- What made you want to explore submission in the first place?
- Do you know what you want in a sexual encounter?
- Do you know what you need to expereince intimacy?
- Are you comfortable expressing these desires to your partner(s)?
- Do you feel guilt or shame when asking for what you want and need in intimate encounters?
- Did you pass over questions 1 to 5 because answering them made you feel uncomfortable?
Once you start to understand your “why” you can start to explore your submission more deeply.